Michael: The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action that they have done that they regret. You can only make fun of things that they have control over. Like Oscar is gay. That is his choice. We can make fun of that. I did not choose to fall into a Koi pond.
Tobi: Michael you still can’t make fun of people for race or gender or sexual orientation or religion.
Michael: Who let the lemonhead into the room? You are a waste of life and you should give up……is what I want to say but I won’t because that is why we are doing this right now. So Toby welcome to sensitivity training for real.
Show of hands, who has been Koi ponded? Who here has been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us every day.
Kevin: Yeah – every single day.
Michael: You never said anything.
Meredith: We have. Countless times.
Michael: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying “Stop – because I want you to stop.” Or “Stop – as in – stop - you’re making me laugh so hard – what you’re doing is so funny, you are on a roll. I am busting a gut – stop.”
Angela: That has never been the case.
Michael: We are going to make a “do not mock list.”
Anything that we think might be out of bounds – we put on this list. Anything we put on this list – you cannot be teased about. Got it?
I’m gonna kick it off. Let’s see what I’m going to put on the list…..right? Okay.
I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steam Town Mall.
Tobi: You fell into a second fountain? Can you kick me out of the meeting now?
Michael: Go. Go.
Starting today, teasing will no longer be tolerated.
Kevin: You mean there’s no teasing of any kind?
Michael: No no no no – just things that are on the list. That is the beauty of it.
Okay – who else? Who else? Dwight? Come on.
Dwight: I don’t want people making fun of my nose.
Michael: Your nose?
Dwight: It’s too small.
The geometric proportions of my face are perfect in every way but one. My nose is too small. I mean it still works – I can smell things….I just…have to be a lot closer to things than most people.
Oscar: Oh my that is small.
Dwight: Just write it down please.
Creed: Can you breathe okay?
Kelly: What keeps your glasses on?
Dwight: Hey – it’s on the list everybody.
Michael: No I haven’t finished writing……did you sneeze it off? That’s it. No more.
Okay. Who else? Who else? Everybody gets their chance.
Kevin: I don’t want people making fun of my weight.
Michael: Okay – that’s too broad. It’s gotta be something else. How about your stomach? Yumm?
[writing] Huge gut
Angela: I’m very sensitive about my petite figure.
Kelly: Oh God.
Angela: I am. I’m very afraid of being thrown around like a football.
Kelly: Well you know Nicole Richie might think that you are fat. Does that make you feel better?
Meredith: I don’t wanna say it out loud.
Michael: Okay fine. Come on up here – write it yourself….and don’t sign your name to it….and nobody look.
Everybody look away. Look away.
Meredith: Well I didn’t really wanna put it on the board but I thought maybe it was gonna come out somehow. So….what are ya gonna do.
[writing] ‘Sex with a terrorist’
Ryan: Some of you may have noticed – I’m in a kind of ill defined relationship type of thing…
Michael: What do you want me to write?
Ryan: Just put “Kelly.”
Dwight: That’s still going on?
Kelly: I will claw your tiny nose off.
Dwight: It’s on the list.
Michael: Creed? Your turn.
Creed: If I write it down I can’t be charged with it?
Dwight: Eh – eh –eh – no one said that.