Amy: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I’m not allowed to wear my Silver Surfer necktie, you can wear a bathrobe?
Amy: I think I’m too sick to go to the funeral.
Sheldon: You’re sick! You poor kid! Well, see you.
Amy: Sheldon, aren’t you gonna take care of me?
Sheldon: Me? No! No, I’m not that kind of doctor.
Amy: But, our relationship agreement clearly states that when one of us is sick the other must
take care of them.
Sheldon: Oh! I see the confusion. No, the intent behind that clause was to force you to take care
of me when I’m ill. When you’re feeling better, you’ll think that’s funny.
Amy: Never mind. Goodnight, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Amy, Amy, Amy! I made a commitment in writing to comfort you in times like this. And,
additionally, you are my girlfriend and I care about your well-being.
Amy: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You’re welcome. Now, let’s get this over with.
Sheldon: One hundred two point two – exactly what it was a half an hour ago. It’s like you’re not
even trying to get better.
Amy: Sheldon, you don’t get over the flu in half an hour.
Sheldon: Well, not with that attitude.
Amy: You know, I have to say, I’m finding your bedside manner a little lacking.
Sheldon: I’m sorry. I just want you to get better as soon as possible. And, with that goal in mind,
let me ask you a question: Do you believe in the Placebo effect?
Amy: Of course, I do. There have been many studies proving its validity.
Sheldon: Great, now… This may look like a tic-tac, but it is really a powerful medication specifically
designed to cure your illness as well as freshen your breath.
Amy: Sheldon, this isn’t helping. Why don’t you just let me get some rest?
Sheldon: How can you sleep? I’m not done making you feel better. I still have to put a cold rag on your
head, sing to you, and apply VapoRub to your chest.
Amy: You want to rub something on my chest?
Sheldon: Yes! All over it!
Amy: Maybe we should start with that.
Sheldon: Now, you’re being a responsible patient. Now, you may notice some tingling
Sheldon: The control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in
the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively-ever-after. The end!
Amy: That was great. Rub my chest again.
Sheldon: No, I need to get you down for a nap. For some reason that VapoRub gets you all fired up.
Bernadette: How’s the poor thing?
Sheldon: Ah! I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.
Bernadette: Hey, Amy, I brought you some drugs we’ve been working on in the lab. This is proving really good
for congestion, but there’s a slight chance that it could make your tears burn like acid. So, if you take it, happy
Sheldon: Um, I’m gonna draw you a soothing bath. Where is your bath thermometer?
Amy: I don’t have a bath thermometer.
Sheldon: Fine, then I’m gonna draw you a nerve-racking bath of indeterminate temperature.
Bernadette: This is a really good expectorant. Although, some test subjects reported lactating uncontrollably
when they heard music.
Amy: OK, OK! Here’s the deal. I don’t need your medicine. I’m not sick.
Bernadette: I don’t understand.
Amy: I got better two days ago. It’s just been so nice having Sheldon take care of me.
Bernadette: So, you’ve just been lying to him?
Amy: See this stuff in my nose? Rubber cement.
Bernadette: I don’t mean to be judgey, but this is the kind of thing lunatics do.
Amy: Alright, I’ll tell him.
Sheldon: Amy, would you be strong enough to bathe yourself or do you need my help?
Amy: I’ll tell him tomorrow, mama needs a bath.