Felix runs away to a Zen retreat because of his feelings for Charlotte.
[n] - noun, [v] - verb, [phv] - phrasal verb, [adj] - adjective, [exp] - expression
Charlotte: Felix? Felix?
Oscar: His vacuum cleaner is here. And it's cold.
Charlotte: Where could he be?
Oscar: Oh, you know Felix, always being so dramatic. I'm just sorry he ruined our big night of culture, which I was super wide awake for.
Charlotte: It's from Felix. "Dear Oscar, I'm so sorry for my outburst. I don't know what came over me. Until further notice, I will be at the Cleansing Breath Zen Retreat in Connecticut. P.S. I let the neighbors know you'll be here alone. Don't use the stove".
Oscar: Oh, great. Now all I want to do is use the stove.
Charlotte: Poor Felix. I can't help feeling a little responsible for this.
Oscar: A little? Or completely?
Charlotte: Excuse me?
Oscar: Oh, come on! Of course he thinks he has a crush on you. You're always like, "Felix, you know so much about the ballet." "Felix, I got two tickets to that thing you like." "Felix, let's get dressed up as the Queen of England."
Charlotte: You wanted me to ask him so you wouldn't have to go!
Oscar: Well, I didn't want to go, but now I do. Who wouldn't? Look at you, with your hair and your eyes and your intoxicating perfume? I mean, should we be having sex right now?
Charlotte: Really, Oscar? Your friend is obviously freaking out and you're not going after him? You are so selfish.
Oscar: Selfish? I brought chips!
Charlotte: That you ate in the cab ride home.
Oscar: That was stress eating! And it didn't work either because I'm still stressed and I'm still hungry!
Woman: Welcome to the Cleansing Breath Zen Center and Yoga Retreat.
Oscar: Yeah, okay. I'm looking for a strange little man who
Woman: He's in the rock garden. Namaste.
Felix? Are you the new janitor here?
Felix: No, this is a Zen garden. By eliminating every imperfection and footprint in this place, it's possible to bring calm to the world. Unlike some people who seem to just be phoning it in.
Lance: Okay, that's it!
Felix: Oh, Lance, what happened to your seven-day vow of silence?
Lance: It's worth breaking to say that you are an insufferable, judgmental, know-it-all who is utterly without Zen!
Felix: Oh, I see someone didn't take a vow against middle fingers.
Oscar: Felix, are you all right? I'm really worried about you.
Felix: Well, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I guess I've decided that I...
Charlotte: What are you doing here?
Oiscar: I was worried about Felix. What are you doing here?
Charlotte: I was worried about Felix too.
Oscar: Well, at least we have one thing in common.
Felix: Hey, guys, you're really messing up my sand pattern here.
Charlotte: "One thing in common"? What does that mean?
Oscar: Well, look at you. You're all beautiful and classy and cultured, and I'm, you know, me.
Charlotte: Yeah, so?
Oscar: So? What kind of a future are we going to have if we're so different?
Felix: I literally just raked that.
Charlotte: Is that why you've been acting so weird? I don't want someone exactly like me. I love that we challenge each other.
Oscar: You do?
Felix: Does one of you guys want to rake too?
Charlotte: Yes. I spend all day with snooty people. I love that I get to come home to you. So you can stop pretending to like all my artsy stuff.
Oscar: Thank God. Do you want to handle this lunatic or should I?
Charlotte: I'll start. Felix, are you okay?
Felix: Yes. I suppose I'm just ashamed for losing control and making this so awkward for both of you.
Charlotte: I know you think you have feelings for me, but maybe you were just enjoying a little female companionship. And maybe this is a sign that you're ready to move on from Emily and start dating again.
Felix: I think you may be right.
Charlotte: I just happened to be the first woman you went out with, and you got caught up in the fantasy of it all.
Felix: Exactly, yes. This wasn't about you at all. I was just so lonely, it could have been anyone.
Charlotte: Well, not anyone.
Felix: Well, I think I'm ready to end this self-imposed exile.
Oscar: Let's go.