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Jen presents the Internet to shareholders at her company.
[n] - noun, [phv] - phrasal verb, [exp] - expression
Our employee of the month, and computer expert, Jen Barber, has kindly agreed to say a few words about her role in the IT department.
Now, speaking as someone who doesn't know the difference between a laptop and, erm, the larger one, I'm certainly looking forward to hearing what she has to say.
When I was asked to give a speech about what it is I do and everything, I was very excited.
At last, I thought, a chance to explain the wonders of technology to ordinary folk.
But then I thought, "Who wants to listen to a boring old speech?"
Wouldn't it be better if I could actually bring one of these wonders in to show you it?
Say, oh, I don't know, the internet!
I think it would - and I have.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you the internet!
No flash photography, you'll harm it.
Ladies and gentlemen
Why's no-one laughing?
If anything were to happen to this box, the world as we know it would fall into chaos.
Planes would drop from the sky, like tables.
Society would tear itself apart like an angry child with a napkin.
Man's primeval instinct to survive at any cost, would lead to terrible violence, so, please, no flash photography.
And that's what the flashing light's for. Any more?
Is it heavy?
Is it heavy? That's a bit of a silly question. The internet doesn't weigh anything.
OK, guys, I guess I should wrap it up.
No, no. I really have to finish up.
More! More! More! More!
Guys! Oh, my God, you really like me.
This really isn't that funny.
I know, it's terrible. I thought at least we'd get a good story out it. You know? Something we'd remember.
It's over, April. Oh, Jesus.
We're all gonna die!
Everybody, stay calm!